JOYS AND CHALLENGES OF MULTIPLES

PICTURED ABOVE: An Eckley family photo taken in November 2023. Left to right, Doug, Dee, Aaron, Bryce and Brooke.

 

Eckleys and Wilhelmis share their stories in raising twins and triplets.

 

By Susan Thompson | Lake Panorama Times

A baby’s birth is the beginning of an amazing journey, for both that child and the child’s parents, siblings and other family members. How does the journey of a single baby compare to the journey when that child is a twin, or one of three babies born? Two Lake Panorama families who experienced multiple births share their stories. 

 

DOUG AND DEE ECKLEY

Doug and Dee Eckley have lived at Lake Panorama fulltime since 2013. They were in the same grade at Boone Community Schools. They double-dated for prom one year, but Doug was with a different girl and Dee with a different guy. After high school, they went their separate ways. 

A few years later, a friend connected them, and they dated while Dee was in nursing school. They married in 1982 and won a bottle of champagne at their 10-year class reunion for being the newest newlyweds. Their wedding had been just one month earlier. 

Early in their marriage, Doug worked for John Deere before transitioning into the food service industry as a manufacturer representative. Dee worked in the clerical world before moving into healthcare as a registered nurse. 

In 1984, the Eckley family grew with the birth of their first son, Aaron. In the summer of 1987, the second pregnancy came. At 22 weeks, the couple learned they were expecting twins.  

“I have been asked many times what I did when I found out we were having twins,” Dee says. “I always say I cried. I cried for three days. I still do once in a while.”

Twins normally come from the maternal side of the couple. 

“We were not aware twins ran in the Sturtz family,” Dee says. “While the tendency normally skips a generation, in our case it skipped two generations. Doing some research, we learned one family on my side had two sets of twins, and Doug’s grandmother had a set of twins.”

Dee Eckley is small, standing just 4 feet, 10 inches. Aaron was born four weeks early by C-section.

“I was considered high risk with the twins and sent to Des Moines from our home in Boone for the remainder of my pregnancy,” Dee says. “Thinking I would never have to experience labor pains again, my water broke four weeks early with the twins, and I had to wait four hours, in labor, while four others had C-sections before me.” 

Son Bryce was born first, weighing 4 pounds, 14 ounces. Daughter Brooke weighed 4 pounds, 5 ounces. Their due date was Dec. 7; they were born Nov. 7, 1987.

All was well for the first 24 hours, until Brooke went into respiratory distress. She was intubated and on a respirator for several days. That caused her to lose her sucking reflex, so she wasn’t discharged for another three weeks. Dee and Bryce left the hospital in three days.

They stayed at Dee’s sister’s home in Urbandale until Brooke was ready to come home. Doug and Aaron made frequent visits from Boone.

In an effort to get advice and support before the twins’ birth, Dee joined the Des Moines Mothers of Twins Club. 

“At that time, the club encouraged keeping twin babies on the same feeding schedule,” Dee says. “Bryce was sent home on every-three-hour feedings. I set the alarm and faithfully kept him on a three-hour schedule, thinking I would need to do the same for Brooke since she was smaller. Yet, at discharge, Brooke’s instructions were to feed her when she’s hungry. So, I had a baby on a three-hour sleep pattern, and one that would sleep five hours, then eat.” 

Sharing this part of the Eckley journey causes Dee to pause and offer advice. 

“If they will sleep, let them sleep,” she exclaimed.

In January 1988, two months after they were born, both Bryce and Brooke were hospitalized at different times for RSV pneumonia. Yet Dee says the most challenging time the family faced was in the winter of 1990. 

“Aaron broke out with chicken pox. The next day I was diagnosed with rheumatic fever. The next day was an ice storm, and we had no electricity for three days,” Dee says. “And the next day, the twins broke out with chicken pox. Aaron and I stayed home while the twins went to our babysitter’s house, where the chicken pox started. We survived.” 

Looking back, Dee and Doug agreed there were many good times raising twins. 

“Their personalities and interactions were priceless,” Doug says. “We never lacked for entertainment.” 

Dee says it was fun to watch their parents and other family members enjoy the twins and their mischief. 

“And it was fun dressing them alike,” she says. “I worked parttime at a kids’ clothing store and attended the annual twin club garage sale to find outfits that worked not just for the twins but also Aaron.” 

The Eckleys say there were plenty of challenges having twins, with finances topping the list. 

“Twins meant double expenses, and the bills were overwhelming,” Dee says. “At one time, we owed eight places nearly $30,000 after insurance. The twins were two-and-a-half years old by the time we got all the bills paid.”

Dee says another challenge was training the twins to stay in bed at bedtime. 

“That took forever,” she says. “As they got older, getting everyone where they needed to be for activities was a challenge because of their different genders and interests.” 

Today, big brother Aaron and his wife, Julia, live in Nashville. A graduate of the University of Kansas, he has worked for a medical device company the past 12 years.

“Aaron was always a helper, and we were very thankful for that,” Dee says. 

“I was only 3 when the twins came home, so I don’t remember the early days,” Aaron says. “Looking at pictures from that era, I seem to be pretty happy with the new additions. I think Mom and Dad liked having me around as an extra set of hands to corral the two.”

Aaron does remember attending Des Moines Twins Club events. 

“I would constantly get asked if I was one of the twins,” he says. “We did some advertising photo shoots for a boutique kids’ clothing store. Much to my dismay, I was dressed in matching outfits with the twins, which I didn’t think was fair. Now that we are older, it’s provided a lot of laughs and some entertaining pictures.”

Aaron says he and Bryce had a lot of similar interests, including the sports they played and the music they liked. 

“Brooke would want to be included, but that didn’t always end well, especially during wrestling matches in the living room,” Aaron says. “Finally, we gave Brooke the job of being the time keeper for our wrestling periods by using the microwave. It seemed like the best and safest way to include her.”

Aaron says being the oldest sibling to Bryce and Brooke has been both rewarding and challenging. 

“I’ve always hoped and wanted them both to look up to me, and I still try to provide advice or guidance as we navigate our adult lives,” he says. “While they will always have a special bond being twins, I also have a special relationship being the only sibling.”

Bryce Eckley lives in Slater, owns Home Team Inspections, and is a licensed electrician. He has a 5-year-old daughter, Nevada.

“It was wonderful to grow up with a twin and an older brother to help guide us. while also keeping us in check,” Bryce says. “As we got older, we were able to come into ourselves, learn and grow and develop individually, but also still did most everything together. We have remained very close over the years. I think being a twin directly contributed to the longevity of our relationship.”

Bryce has praise for their parents and extended family. 

“I think my parents did an exceptional job balancing all three of us, as we were all very different people with different requirements,” he says. “We also were surrounded by great family and friends who could and would step in, as needed, especially when we were involved in a lot of activities.” 

Any advice for new parents of twins?

“I think understanding that each person is an individual and working as a unit is the best approach. Raising twins, or kids in general, is a fluid situation with many unplanned instances that require on-the-spot problem solving,” Bryce says. “My mom always says, ‘You can’t plan for the unplanned’ and to ‘find humor in the things that aren’t funny.’ This has stayed with me my entire life.”

Brooke is married to Jeff Miller. They live in Truro, where she works for Mail Services. The couple has two daughters, Presley, who is 14 years old, and Jeslinn, who is 10. One thing Brooke finds amusing is how many people ask if she and Bryce are identical twins. 

Brooke says she and Bryce were good playmates. 

“We had the same circle of friends as kids. Playing in the neighborhood, bike riding, jumping on the trampoline, going to the water tower to play ball. We did a lot together as kids,” she says. 

“Being the girl twin with two brothers, I had to toughen up. The boys were more competitive with one another because they were in the same sports,” Brooke says. “As adults, we still are pretty competitive, and it’s fun. There is lots of laughter, rather than someone getting upset because they lost a game of whatever we are playing.”

Brooke says she can’t imagine not being a twin. 

“It is one of the best things ever. We are opposite and similar in so many ways,” she says. “But it means you have someone right there from day one to enjoy and grow through life with. At school, when I was nervous, I knew I had my twin brother by my side. Being the only girl with a twin brother and an older brother, I was — and still am — very protected.”

Dee Eckley offers advice for a young couple expecting twins. 

“Be patient and take it one day at a time. Take time for yourselves, at least once a month, because you need it and deserve it,” she says. “Don’t expect the same from them; they have their own souls.

“We were privileged to be gifted with twins, even though there were many bouts of tears here and there,” Dee says. “There were tears of joy and tears of exhaustion. I am thankful Bryce and Brooke were twins. They are so different in so many respects, yet they have a special friendship and bond.” 

 

DAN AND GRETCHEN WILHELMI

Dan and Gretchen Wilhelmi are parents of triplets — two boys and a girl — who celebrated their 29^th birthday on April 19. The couple first connected during summer break of Gretchen’s freshman year at Iowa State. 

“He called to speak with my father regarding his farm loan, and I answered the phone,” Gretchen says. “We talked awhile, then he called again a few days later and asked me out for a day of boating with his friends at Twin Lakes. We dated for six years and were married on May 28, 1988, in Perry. We had our reception at The Port.”

Dan graduated from Iowa State in 1980 with a degree in agricultural business and was a financial officer at Farm Credit Services in Perry for 29 years. In 2009, he went into partnership with Jim Wendl with AgriServe, a crop insurance agency. In 2019, he become a partner in the MainBuilt construction company.

Gretchen graduated from Iowa State in 1985 with a degree in food science, earned a degree at Iowa State in 1990 in dietetics, and later an MBA from Upper Iowa in 1999. Gretchen works at Iowa Methodist Medical Center as an information technology manager and is looking forward to retiring soon.

The couple has owned property at Lake Panorama since 1986 when they bought a waterfront lot. In 1995, they sold that property and bought a house with another couple from Perry. In 2005, they bought out the other couple and used the house in the summer months while still living in Perry. In 2015, they tore down the old house, built a new home, and moved into their lake home fulltime in October 2016.

There is some family history of multiple births on both Gretchen’s and Dan’s sides, but they still were surprised by the news. 

“I learned I was having triplets during a doctor’s visit. I was in shock, although my first cousin has triplets and Dan has two sisters with twins,” Gretchen says. “I had to have weekly steroid shots to promote their lung development.”  

Gretchen is just 5-feet, 1-inch tall. 

“I was on bed rest for seven weeks,” she says. “I belonged to a women’s sorority in Perry, and these lovely ladies provided meals to Dan and me twice a week while I was on bedrest.”

The three babies were born at 32 weeks at Iowa Methodist in Des Moines. They stayed in the neonatal intensive care unit until they were released.  

“Since I worked at Iowa Methodist, I went back to work until they were released and could visit them every day,” Gretchen says. “Mary and Nic came home after two months, followed by Kelly at three months. They were small, but otherwise healthy.”

Even though the Wilhelmi family lived in Perry fulltime, they brought the babies to Lake Panorama in June, where they stayed for four months before moving back to their Perry house.

“Dan is from a large family, so we had four nieces come at different times that summer to help care for the babies,” Gretchen says. “In late August, Dan’s retired brother-in-law stayed with us during the week and took the night shift for a few months. I went back to work in the fall, and the babies went to an in-home daycare in Perry.”

The couple developed some coping techniques. 

“We purchased a triplet stroller from my cousin and put many, many miles on it,” Gretchen says. “We took turns taking the kids for a ride so the other could have an hour of alone time. When one of us had an errand to run, the rule was you had to take one baby so the other person was left with just two babies rather than three.”

Gretchen says one benefit of triplets is they are in the same classes in school. 

“They had similar courses and could help each other with homework, and they encouraged each other academically,” Gretchen says. “All three were inducted into the National Honor Society as juniors, graduated with honors, and were in the top 10% of their class. When they graduated from Perry High School in 2015, Dan was president of the Perry School Board and signed and presented their diplomas during the graduation ceremony. It was a proud day.”  

Managing the school activities of three teenagers was tricky. 

“It was very hectic when they got busy with activities, especially in the fall since Nic was in football, Mary in volleyball and Kelly in cross country,” Gretchen says. “All three kids remained busy with various activities throughout middle and high school, and, due to their different schedules, we had three cars driving to Perry High School every day.” 

Nic went to the University of Iowa for undergraduate and dental school and now is a dentist at Brady Dental Care in Des Moines. Kelly went to Iowa State for his undergraduate degree and to Drake for his occupational therapy doctorate. Now he is an occupational therapist for Fox Rehab in Ames and Ankeny. Mary graduated from Iowa State and works for Snyder and Associates Engineering in Ankeny as a business development coordinator. 

Mary graduated from college a semester earlier than her two brothers.

“Kelly and Nic graduated from college on the same day,” Gretchen says. “Nic’s graduation from the University of Iowa was in the morning, and Kelly’s graduation from Iowa State University was in the afternoon. There was a lot of driving and sitting that day, but all five of us made both graduations.”  

The triplets have fond memories of growing up at Lake Panorama. 

“Some of my earliest memories are from the lake with building sandcastles, going on boat rides and playing in the water,” Kelly says. “We spent a lot of time at the lake house when we were younger since we moved there for the summers.”  

Neighbors Doug and Deb Hemphill helped the triplets learn to water ski.

“From our beach area, Mom would hold us up in the water, Dad would be in the back of the boat holding the rope, Deb would encourage us, and Doug would drive the boat,” Kelly says. “It was quite an effort to get us all skiing.” 

Nic has another waterskiing memory. 

“Our parents like to ski early in the morning, so we had to take turns getting up early to spot them,” he says. “We had a rotation because we didn’t like waking up so early.” 

Snow skiing was another family activity. 

“Our parents liked to snow ski and took us skiing quite a few times to quite a few places, including Colorado, Michigan, Minnesota and Utah,” Mary says. “When we first started, they put us in ski school so we could learn to ski and they could ski by themselves for a few hours. Once we were out of ski school, we would all ski together on the easy runs.”

Nic also remembers family time on the slopes. 

“Our parents and their friends Mike and Becky and their daughter took us skiing at Steamboat a few times,” he says. “Dad would lead the group down the mountain with his bright orange deer hunting hat so we all could see him from a distance. Mom and Becky would be in the middle, and Mike would be in back to ensure all four kids successfully made it down the mountain on the correct trail.”

One of Kelly’s early memories is riding the school bus with Nic and Mary.  

“We were small enough in kindergarten that all three of us sat in the same seat on the bus,” he says. “When we first started riding the bus, Mary cried the first week because she was afraid of the bus driver. Dad put her on the bus anyway, and Mom called the bus driver to ask if he could tell her hello each morning to help her feel more comfortable.” 

Another early memory for Kelly was when the triplets were 5 years old. 

“We were in Amy Dahl’s wedding,” he says. “Nic and I had to wear little tuxedos and Mary a white dress. Mom told us she would buy a present for us if we did a good job.”

Mary says birthday parties were large gatherings because each sibling was able to invite their own friends. 

“We did many at the lake house with tubing and swimming, and a few at the bowling alley and the rec center in Perry,” she says.

By the time the triplets were in high school, they had separate friend groups and were in different activities. 

“Since we each had a car to get to school and activities, Dad set up an account at Peter’s Service Station in Perry so we could charge our gas,” Mary says. “He would occasionally explode when he received the bill. I think Jon Peters was sad to see us graduate.”

Recently, all three siblings moved to Ankeny and now live within two minutes of each other. Were they friends or rivals growing up? 

“I think we were decent playmates,” Kelly says. “However, it depended on the day. Some were better than others. As we got older, we started to get along better and would help each other out with homework and hang out together with friends. We live close to each other now, and two of us have dogs so we help each other out with dog duty.”  

“We kind of ignored each other in high school but got closer when we went to college,” Mary says. “At first, it was strange not seeing my brothers every day. After college, I moved to Phoenix for three years and missed seeing them on a regular basis. I moved back to Iowa a year-and-a-half ago and was glad to reconnect with them. Nic’s girlfriend is a close friend of mine now, and we hang out together with or without Nic.”

Gretchen Wilhelmi offers advice for couples expecting multiple births. 

“Ask for help and never refuse help,” she says. “And let them be independent. Our kids had their own activities and own friends growing up but became closer as they grew up.”